Why Are The Akatsuki Kittens!
by x-Pastel-Snow-x
Summary: Screeching and chaos can sum up the girls of the Cachinnation Station, but when their world gets turned upside down due to an unexpected visit from the Akastuki, their plan can finally be put into action. What plan? To travel the world and get rid of their responsibilities while doing so. However, what organization is following their hysterical trail? OCs.


**Okay, honestly, this is like the seventh fucking time i've redone this goddamn story, ****(●-A-"●) ****but for some reason, i ain't giving it up? i'm probably just being stubborn with it, given it's my first ever official story with OCs, and this is the story which i made my favourite OC, Lyra Taylor!**

**Anyway yeah, this story, as you can guess by the title, has the overly generic plot of the Akatsuki awakening in the normal human world as… Kittens!**

**Older readers who read this story when it was nigh goddawful will be able to recognise some main plot points, however, yet again, I've changed it! There's less characters, characters with new names (all sorts I guess) and it's much much better than any previous versions you guys have read from me, so hopefully this time i ain't gonna fuck the heck up. And also, yet again, sorry for the hella long A/N, but i have a tinsy bit more to mention.**

**Okay, so this story may be wholely fiction, like any other goddamn story, but to make it a bit more realistic (if possible? idk) i've done research around the areas where the characters visit, and around the methods of travel to said destinations. So it is a bit more realistic, despite basically anything in this flippin fic happening in real life.**

**Also, the text format in my story is going to be a bit different from what you're probably used to- there's gonna be capitilization in the middle of the words and sentences, spaces in words where there's not supposed to be- it's like this because I wanted to make it as if it's close to what Lyra's actually ****_thinking and feeling._**

**Either way, hope you guys enjoy it.**

●**-x-**Why Are The Akatsuki Kittens?!-**x-●**

●**-x-**The Prologue-**x-●**

It seemed like a regular day in the Akatsuki life was quite mundane, if there wasn't a mission going on, that is. However, in the slums of Amegakure, the village hidden by the constant rainstorms, and occasional thunder, today was another day going by in their slightly twisted definition of "peace".

The leader of the villainous organization, Pein, was having a "chat" with his closest and most trusted member, Konan, in his office, and the other recruits of the Akatsuki were busy with whatever they were doing. Namely, Itachi and Kisame busy with a game of pool, as Zetsu's personalities debated about their current novel, with the constant background noise of Deidara and Sasori's endless banter about the concept of "true art". It was always there. However, what the most surprising thing happening today is that Kakuzu hadn't removed any limbs from Hidan yet, due to the silver-haired man's lack of enthusiasm, and their mutual tiredness from a mission the other day.

Tobi was also not present, so it was assumed by his fellow teammates that he was goofing off in town.

Yeah, quite a mundane day in the life of the Akatsuki.

This _was_ the case until Orochimaru had broken one of the building's walls with his rather humongous snake, anyway. His spectacled assistant, Kabuto, ever by his side as the duo aimed their senbon, before throwing the needle-like weapons at each of the Akatsuki, successfully piercing through their thick robes with the precision of a sharpshooter.

The Jashinist and his veteran partner who had walked into the lounge at this moment were hit with another round of senbon a few seconds later, momentarily standing there in shock before becoming limp, then finally toppling over onto the slightly fuzzy carpet with a muffled thud. The other Akatsuki were already twitching on whatever surfaces they fell onto.

Hidan had grit his teeth, grinding out a strained curse to the slit-eyed Sannin, causing him to frown deeply, before bearing a proud grin that split ear to ear. Orochimaru hopped off of his scaled platform, Kabuto soon following behind, as he examined the violently twitching assassins, the blue-skinned man had been trying to reach him whilst Orochimaru was walking by, but his weak hand was batted away by the snake-like man's foot.

Honestly, the only reason why he had made them unable to function (apart from the spasmic movements, however), was so he could have them long enough to drug them with a new concoction that he'd tested… Or rather, not tested, but any long-term sideaffects worked in his favour.

The grin that had never left his face impossibly widened, reducing his eyes to mere slits as he reached for the bag which contained the aforementioned concoction. His hand shuffled things in the bag a bit, before finally grasping a cork-shut vial of a thick, translucent substance. Once his assistant had saw he retrieved the vial, he handed him a syringe as a waiter would to his clients.

The syringe was soon filled with the slightly orange-smelling sludge, before it was transferred over into the slowed veins of the fallen Akatsuki.

Orochimaru had created his chance, and grasped at it with both hands.

However, for now, he had to retreat, as Kabuto informed him that there was rapidly approaching chakra signatures, most likely meaning both Pein and Konan were now aware of the decreasing chakra in their subordinates, which is a pretty legit cause for concern, considering they're the most infamous and powerful legion of ex-nin.

It may also be because of the large crash when his snake had broke the wall but whatever.

Rubble from the gaping hole continued to fall piece by piece, the colossal reptile waiting patiently until both the Sannin and his loyal nin were located on it's eminence purple head, only moving when commanded by it's similar-looking master.

Pein and Konan arrive a moment later, only to find their members gone.

●**-x-x-**●

The rough texture of the cardboard repeatedly rubbing against Deidara's cheek with a _bump-thud_ was the thing that eventually awoke him. The blonde groggily moved his feet, but found that it was more difficult that usual, trying over and over again until he was frustrated, letting out a huff.

Wait, was it just him or… did his usual, exasperated huff sound a tad different?

A moment later he finally got the hang of his stupid and unresponding limbs again, but he soon let out a shriek.

"Ah! Oh my _god_, un, when _was the last time I shaved my legs oh my god I swea_-" The blonde's outburst was soon stopped by a rough-feeling pad being pressed to his face. Dark, rosewood hair was the only thing the bomber could see around the edge of his vision. _'Seriously? What even?'_ Deidara had thought, squinting his eyes as to try and cope with his confusion, the side of his mouth curling up a tad in wry thought. _'What the actual hell..?' _The soft pad was gently removed from his mouth a moment later, Deidara's eyes taking only a small time to adjust to the darkness of this strange… room, if you could even call this unfamiliar place with the rough floors and the constant shaking a "room". Well, it did have walls, a floor, and a ceiling, so it earned its definition.

Okay, aside from Deidara's internal debate about whether it was a room or not, why the constant shaking?

"Aaaaah shit…" the blonde rolled his eyes, temporarily ignoring his thoughts to focus on the…

Silvery-furred _cat_ beside him, that's speaking very much alike to a certain murderous zealot he knew.

A second later, Deidara realized that it wasn't just terribly alike to him, the cat cursing loudly at how much his head hurt _was_ him. Oh dear gosh. And if that was the case, then seeing as Deidara was the same size as Hidan, and he swore he shaved his damn legs a few days ago, there was only one, absurd, idiotic, stupidly _horrific_ conclusion he could draw.

They had been turned into cats. Or kittens, if you want specifics.

Itachi, now standing with four legs, stood up to his full height, which wasn't very extraordinary, even in kitten standards. He meowed, running his rough tongue over the new canines, and inspecting his new raven fur. He thought it was a pretty nice coat to have, not as shiny as Hidan's, he could see as small pockets of light kept hitting his fur everytime the room jostled, but it wasn't _not_ shiny either. It was lovely, actually, the man… kitten, whatever, thought in contentment, surprisingly pushing past the fact he was a feline, for now, anyway.

Kisame, standing a little taller than him, with shocking, puffy blue fur, his ears slowly fading from the bright blue at the base to a more darker colour at the tips, yawned, baring the large, pure white and knife-like canines he had even before the transformation. The unusually coloured Birman kitten gave a short hum, before lying down to look over the rest of the cats.

The room shakes again, you could hear the sound of a hand knocking hard on wood, followed by a creak, then a very gentle voice.

"Welcome back, Miss Chantelle, how was your day out?"

A voice even closer to the box boomed loudly, and with her laugh shook the room they were in. "I didn't need this _shit_ today." A hard voice groaned, and Hidan screamed as he turned to the voice of his partner, spotting a Balinese kitten with an entire ear missing, instead being replaced by a large stitch. Deidara winced as he noticed he had his tail missing too, with only a short bobtail, like those you'd find on older Rottweilers. Kakuzu, now noticing his appearance as he brought up a paw to inspect the missing ear, hissed slightly. "Figures both my forms would be messed up." He muttered casually, before going to sit next to Kisame.

The rosewood-furred Ragdoll looked over the kittens with bored eyes, curling in on his soft, fluffy fur to think.

Why would they have all been turned into kittens? Where even are they, and is the affect permanent? Is this a jutsu or something, or maybe something even more, that alters the gene structure itself? These were the thoughts running through Sasori's mind, until the booming voice came back again, even louder this time- what was this about a _present?_

●**-x-**Lyra's POV**-****x-**●

"Ooooooooooh my _LOVELY~!_ I have _RETURNED_ with your _MOST AMAZING_ preseeeeeent~!" Emphasis, emphasis, _go d_ fucking emphasis.

I ran back into my room, in pure shock and terror, hearing them lot follow me.

The most snobbiest, conceited, feminine voice you can imagine in your head echoed through the empty halls of the large estate building, abruptly causing the chit chattering maids to come to a stop. Banging my head lightly against the frame of my bed, I cursed quietly. Shit, fucking shit, fuc ki ng g od _d am nit._

My dog ran right to my room at her return, scruffing its little paws at the door as I quickly let her in, knowing this was a usual scenario for her…

Just without the unwanted company camping out in my room.

To be honest, I almost bloody shat myself when I heard that fucking voice. That unnecessarily loud, earkilling _voice._

I took a large intake of breath, pushing it out roughly which caused me to cough a lot. Delia started to pat my back, but I brushed off, barely managing to explain that it makes it a lot worse than it needs to be. She gave me a nod before taking away her hand for good.

Starting to hAtE Winter more than I hate the old hag, but we can't have that now, can we?

●**-x-**Flashback**-****x-**●

I covered my ears and flinched as the hag in front of me drew a breath, about to boom her goodbyes to me. "GOOOOOODBYEEEE my love~! I shall return with your AMAAAAZING present later ooooooooooon~!"

I shuddered. _Her emphasis was so intimidating._

Slowly removing my hands from my ears and coming out of my cower, I sighed as she waved, her incredibly loud laugh continually getting smaller and smaller the more she walked away from my place at the stairwell's banister. I could feel another sigh welling up as I turned to walk back to my room.

The door shut, and the sound resonated through the house. My mouth formed into a smile at her leaving home, and godddd yesssss, I was finaaaally aloooo-?

Another sound echoed through the house, and if my skills at navigating, however shitty they are, was right, then that came from the direction my room was in..?

Oh deeeeaaarry _me._

My smile faded, at the fact that I realized I was no longer in solitude and probs had to deal with some fuckin' burglar or somethin'-

Great, fuck ing _dand y._

Yet another sigh welled up, and I made my way quickly over to my door, before steeling myself. (And also clearing my throat.)

Alright, so it's either a shittin' _noob-ass_ burglar thinking he can take a crack at stealing a load of "rich shit", or it's an expert one who's done quite a lot of background research, and came prepared. I rolled my eyes, reaching for my switchblade in my pocket before slamming open the door with my foot. It was so loud, that it must have startled the burglar into screaming, because that's exactly what I heard, right over in my walk-in wardrobe… Fucking great, yeah?

No. No it is not. You don't even know how goddamn annoying it is to be robbed (or _attempted_ to be, haha thanks me.) all the fucking time because of what utter shit you were born with. It's like, what do they even think when they try to steal my shit? Fucking "_oh diddly darnedly doodly yea_! I'm gonna steal all of their rich shit and be a total cumbucket cunt for my own gain! Yea!"

_No. N o. N o. Stop th at. Stop t h is._

Okay, so basically after spending a minute or two in my own little world, I came back out of it absolutely shitting furious, kicking open the door and breaking my wardrobe's lock _yet a fucking gain._

And who do I see, _who do I fucking see_, but the five twatshits of the Cachinnation Station standing there, the giddy looks on their faces dropping, probably because of how mad I must look. I see Nancy go the palest, looking straight at m- wait, is she holding up a pair of my jeans?

If I wasn't such a civilized, calm, mature, and all around _lovely_ person, it would be on like fucking donkey kong in here.

Without thinking, taking in an angry, huffy breath left me hunched over, hacking up some phlegmmy stuff whilst coughing, but I honestly didn't give a heck as I spat that out on the floor. (Disgusting, I _know_, but I heard if makes you a _lot_ worse if you swallow it back down.) My form was crouched now, barely sitting on the floor. A moment later I stopped. Trying to clear my throat before speaking was useful, as I spoke without these horrid, sticky wheezing. "Alright," I started off, scanning my eyes over each of them.

"Why the fucking _hell_ are you in my house?"

I probably looked like a madwoman, staring over each of them with a harsh glare through my glasses, dressed in some shitty gown I had to put on in order to be able to speak to my own fucking grandma. For one thing I am totally sure: I looked like crap.

I waited for their answer (answers? They're not all the same person, so…) as I realized it would probably be a lot better to explain who they are, and I haven't really introduced myself either.

I'm Lyra Taylor, turned eighteen on the ninth of June, and appointed leader of this very annoying, yet precious group of people. Now exclude two people from this group, but I'll be getting to that later. I'm the heir to a stupendously wealthy family, but, how _cliché_, I honest to god have zero interest in doing that. I'm not gonna lie, I love money (who fucking doesn't love money, seriously), but if I'm gonna turn out like my parents, or my Nan, I'd rather not take over, thank you very much.

My little sister's (I say _little_, and tell you what, she's _taller_ than me; I'm only five foot two!) more suited to be an heiress, seeing as she loves all of that "pretty princess" gimmick our family's got going on. It ain't that bad, I'm just more of… the opposite. As for looks, uhm, russet brown hair-kinda way and curls at the tips- that travels down to my bum, and with a good old side-fringe, parting right. Chocolate brown eyes. Tattoos, too. A watercolour one I got on a holiday when I managed to catch Ondrash once- it starts on my foot and begins to crawl up my leg slightly. And also a teeny one that I have on my thumb, a really simple geometric gem. Since my Nan found out, I've had to wear bandages to cover them, and play it off at soirées that I've permanently marred my skin, ("more pity, more connections, Lyra!")

Anyway, god I'm so fucking self-centric, moving onto the twatpickles that intruded on my effing privacy.

Alexa VonOlsk, being the oldest at nineteen, is also the tallest, and likes to use her fists for everything, so that makes her the definite best tutor if you wanna know where to whack a bitch. Makes her the best person to grab some quality knuckledusters from, too. Al has hot pink eyes- obviously contacts, and without, they're the same as mine. She prefers her raven hair up in a high ponytail most of the time, making the hot pink dipdye a lot more noticeable as it sways about. She also has bangs that cover the left side of her face. Since she's my distant cousin, Nan allowed her to come on holiday as well, so she has some tatts to show off too, thanks to that one-off tattoo expo. A large flat-red dragon (hella cool lemme fuckin' tell you son) starts by wrapping her tail around her wrist, ending at her shoulder, blowing dark blue flames onto her collarbone.

Now, minding the looks of this girl, she's actually quite quiet around new people (something us cousins have in common, actually.), however, once she feels comfortable enough around them, she'd start to act like her usual self. Which let me tell you, is a loudmouth asshole. Albeit, a truly _lovely_ loudmouth asshole.

I turned my gaze onto the mess of pastel blue hair, AKA Tiana Moore, with her sparkling, cerulean eyes. I loved her eyes, and her small nose, and those cute freckles! She had only turned eighteen in April. Going back to her hair, it was, yes, pastel blue. It was thick, and went down to her shoulderblades, with haha yet again a side-fringe. Now, we call her Teo for short, and Teo is hella smart. She's a few levels ahead of me, even smarter than Alexa by quite a tad, and is really levelheaded. She's our smart rock that holds us together, and tells us what to do. She also keeps our training schedule in line, and snoops for info on the town and who has some beef against us. Ah yes, Teo, _fucking brilliant _Teo. She doesn't really like fighting all that much, and instead focuses on her information skills. Probably why she's so smart, I guess.

Teo's been my best mate since I was little, and I even helped her dye her hair that radical colour, and helped her through the "criticism". Although, just because she's a massive fucking nerd don't mean she ain't got a tongue on her.

Now, turning away from the smartass with a sharpshooter mouth, I focused on Delia, who was a bit taller than Teo, but not as tall as Alexa.

Now, Delia Reed, what a fucking _handful._ Despite how meek and cute her pop-punk appearance is, she's an absolutely fucking cunt and will wreck your shit _up_. She's got streetsmarts like a bitch, but people used to make fun of her for her different hairstyle, which is just a sandy blonde head of hair, shaved at the side, and the rest thrown over the other side of her head. She rocked those green eyes, too. I don't see why she's been teased a lot, maybe because they used to call her a boy before the longer side of her hair hadn't grew out yet, and got as long as it is now, but hell, once she joined the gang I made as a one-off when I was fifteen, she used her anger as fodder to her dedication of training to become stronger.

In short, Delia is hecka rad, and not to be fucked about with. She told me once that this guy started hitting on her in a bar a few months after we all got together, and that she slowly took out her piercing and stabbed him in the cheek, quickly clipping the back of the earring on as it was _in his fucking mouth_ as a reminder not to hit on girls who aren't interested.

Alright, last two, I turned back to this girl, Nancy, who was still holding up my shitting jeans for some reason I'm not gonna be okay with even if I get an explanation, and of course, Scarlet was there with her too.

Great.

Okay, now these two, these. Fucking. Two. I have only known for a year. And in that year, the first few months were nice and dandy, which is why I let them join, as they said they were "sick of being outcasts". I soon realized, to my displeasure, that they were not outcasts at all, because I caught them skipping schedule at ASDA, flirting with this Jack guy. Whatever, he ain't important. But shit, okay? They're pissing me off, talking back to me when I try to be reasonable, being complete dicks to Teo and ordering her to change up their times, and, last strike with my team here, asking Del if she wants to bunk off with them.

Delia, a shining beam of pure justice, snitched on their cuntnugget asses.

Scarlet, despite her lusciously carmine hair that reaches mid back, she doesn't have a very luscious personality _at all_. She snoops about, nicely telling the others how to be deceitful and undetected because she used to sneak out to party a lot apparently. (Outcast. Yeah.) Her light brown eyes carry a permanent glint of mischief, and she's always up for a fight. Now let me tell you, I love that, but not when it's directed at your own fucking team. She and Alexa had a throwdown once, but luckily, Del stopped 'em before it got too nasty. She gets into your head, man.

Alright, now I bored my eyes right into Nancy's, trying to actually convey how much I was pissed off, but I don't think I could ever burn off that much anger.

Last one, Nancy, alledged master of the mind-fuck. Like Scarlet, this shitface will get into your head, fill it with her goddamn contradictions, and mess you up to hell and back until all you can see is the red haze of rage. And yes, exactly like Scarlet, it's so bloody helpful when it's on people that have picked a fight with us, because they get so flustered that they just start yelling back, then we have the oppurtunity to fuck 'em up, however, when this shit is on you, it's so _a n no y in g. _Citrine blonde hair that travels down to her chest and seemingly innocent blue eyes hide her true, darker, bitchier self.

Look, I get that we all have reasons for being in this group (but those last two's are fA Ke as hEC k), the most common being that not many people understand how we work, how we act, why we do that things that we do and say the things that we say. Getting' sappy here, but that's what brought us all together, made us all great mates, even if we were kinda shut off from the world thanks to personal problems- it's fine, really.

However, it apparently hadn't stopped us from letting cuntwiffers into our lives.

I was about to demand an explanation again, "why are you even here" and such, but as I opened my mouth, I got interrupted by a loud yell from downstairs.

"Ooooooooooh my _LOVELY~!_ I have _RETURNED_ with your _MOST AMAZING_ preseeeeeent~!" Emphasis, emphasis, _go d_ fucking emphasis.

●**-x****-****x-**●

And that brings us to now, after I banged my head against a wooden fucking bedframe and basically coughed up a lung, I needed to go do shit, so I told those guys to stay put or else _I'd rip off their tits and make them eat 'em._

I looked down, and I never thought I'd say this, but thank god I'm still wearing this gown.

My feet quickly allowed me to exit the room and run to the stairwell, where my Nan's wickedly shimmering eyes were running over my small frame, probably looking for any imperfection she can pick on, but she ain't havin' that.

I gave myself a pat on the back, and smirked as she looked down to the box she was carrying. Wait, I closed my eyes, and mouthed the word "box" because I needed to confirm that my Nan, pristine, perfect, prissy fucking Nan, got me something in a raggedy cardboard box. I opened my eyes and squinted. She really did, holy _shit_ dude.

I cleared my throat real quick, before putting on my "posh voice".

"Oh, Grandmother! What is that you've got under your arm, may I take a peek?" I wondered, gently stepping down the stairwell to face my tall-ass Nan. She smiled, the edges of her eyes crinkling, "Why of _COURSE_ my _LOVELY~!_" Nad had yelled, passing me over the box. "Thank you very much, I shall treasure the contents!" Okay, I wanna fucking go fucking go fucking go go go- "May I be excused please, Grandmother?" I'd asked, smiling slightly. She calmed down significantly at that moment, giving me a "why, yes dear!" and a forced smile. I'd know if it was genuine or not. I'm glad I can tell that shit apart.

"Thank you! I shall be going now- have a nice evening, Grandmother!" Spinning on my heel, I leave her standing there, stiffly walking up the stairs because I'm restraining the urge to sprint back to my room, get out of her sight, just _g o._

I get into the hallway and start running, holding the box firmly because for all I fucking know it could be some fine china or shit like that, and I'd be in hecka trouble if it got damaged. I reached my room in no time, panting and coughing at the same time, which made it sound like I was throwing up or something, sickening _hhhhckkks_ coming from the back of my throat as I gagged for clean air. Soon enough, I'd composed myself and walked into my room, sighing as I gently put down the box on the bed, ignoring my friends' calls of "what's that?", "what's in the box yo", "open it! open it!"

However, to my surprise, as I rip of the brown tape from the box, I hear mews.

"Oh my god." I whisper, excitedly opening the flaps of the box and spotting kittens. Fucking kittens ma-

Oh.

They may be adorable, but they're, um...

Unique? Is that the word I'm looking for? An unsure smile stretched across my face as I took each of them out of the box, one by one.

The first kitten I spot catches my eye because of it's unusual colour, reminding me of Teo's hair. She seemed to have the same thought as me because she giggled when the (I think it's a Birman?) kitten meowed repeatedly up at her. It's rather cute, pure black and thick whiskers prod my hand as I stroke the kitten's face.

Another kitten's coat that I pick it is a shimmering silver, and I immediately recognised its breed as an American Shorthair, dark violet eyes stared back up at me as I scritched behind its ear, and it started purring! (omg tho) I put the cat back down, and it sat by my side.

I picked out a kitten with a bright blonde coat, "Maine Coon." Alexa provided when I pointed to it in confusion. A sky blue eye stared right back at me, a long frizz of fur covering its other eye. I coo'ed as it started to lick my hand, turning to look at the silver kitten when it started to meow loudly. The blonde stopped licking me and replied back to the Shorthair, and once I put it down, the Maine Coon jumped the Shorthair and they started to scrap. I heard the members of CS "aw" loudly.

I run my hands along a Balinese kitten with a large stitch where the right ear should be, clicking my tongue, my eyes locking with its green, red rimmed eyes. "What happened to you lil' buddy?" I wondered as the kitten in my hands replied with a visibly lazy yawn. I looked a bit over its patchy-furred back, spotting the short tail and blowing air out the corner of my mouth. Hell, this kitten's probably been through some shit. I decided to stroke behind its remaining ear, kissing its forehead before setting it down, letting the rest of the girls have their share pitying that poor cat.

The next one I decide to pick out is a long-furred Ragdoll, but before I can get a grip on the kitten I wanna take, Alexa gasps and grabs out the other remaining kitten apart from the Ragdoll.

"Aaah! Chartreux!" Al chimes, pulling out a raven-furred kitten with bright red eyes, which meowed loudly as she gently laid it in her arms. The cat seemed shocked for a moment before meowing slightly quieter, and lying still, beginning to purr.

I was distracted by how calm that cat was, until I felt something soft rub against my hand. I hummed as I turned to see a bundle of dark red fur rubbing itself against my hand that was in the box. I grinned as I picked it up, lifting the kitten into my lap, watching its brown eyes look up at me before it curled in on itself.

Man, okay, these kittens were cute as fuck, no denying that, but they're definitely unusual as hell.

I heard Scarlet voice her distaste with a blunt "euck", continuing whilst absently waving her hand, "Think we should give 'em a bath right _now_, they look disgusting. Especially _that_ one." The redhead pointed to the the Balinese, and just like they understood us, they all turned to Scarlet, some of them even _hissing._

I turned to the kittens, hella proud and smiling, before wiping that smile off my face when I looked back around since Scarlet'd be pissed and I don't want her messing up my house in a ridiculous temper tantrum. I'm in total despair right now (Junko Enoshima, eat your heart out) because I want to laugh at how pissed the kittens got at Scarlet but a ugh hhh bitchy afte r ma th.

Rolling my eyes, I agreed to Scarlet's demand, making my way over to the wardrobe, opening the double doors a bit before stopping. "So, Scar, since you thought this up and wanna go into my bath, you got anything to wear? Swimsuit, maybe?" I turned back towards her, raising my eyebrows with hopefully a really thoughtful expression, spotting Delia facepalm in my peripherals. Scarlet freely let a scowl come over her face, which I thought was _hecka_ rude. "No? You only just got these cats, and that's where my idea popped up from, and why do I have to even go in the bath anyway?" She retorted, wanting to watch me squirm.

I wouldn't let her beat me. I wanted to trap her into a corner and humiliate her because the one thing you need to know about me is that I'm a total _cunt. Yeeee._

"Why say "right now" then? And look, they're cats, they hate water, and I know you don't want to be leaning over the edge of the bath, getting that new top all wet." Gesturing it to my head, I added a teensy bit on, "While we were on our way to go beat that gang up who were bothering Missus Wilson, you were moanin' how you couldn't wash it certain ways. I don't think in a bathtub of bubbly, soapy water is one of 'em, right?" Fucking god how did I manage not to bust out laughing- her offended expression is priceless!

She started to stomp over to me, her face contorting upwards into a snarl, "Fine then!" Scarlet sneered, standing at a whopping 5'8" and using it to her liking right now, but shit, as much as I don't like people being taller than me, she isn't fucking intimidating me as much as just pissin' me off. She gripped onto the left door, flinging it open. I decided to play the innocent card.

"Woah!" I decided to pull a Hinata Hajime, then started to look her up and down repeatedly, "What the fuck man, _agression?!_" I barked, faking my shock. "Why the sudden anger, I'm trying to look out for your freakin' _clothes_ you always whine about!" I yelled back at her, leaning forward to get up in her face. Scarlet pulled back, her facial expression telling me that she realized she messed up, and acted out without any real back-up for why she did it.

Of course, I already knew she just wanted any excuse to piss me off. And that's exactly why, from now, I'm gonna give her three chances. But since she already fucked up, both her and Nancy have only got two left.

"Strike one." I mumbled before opening the door all the way, turning my head away with a small smirk and walking in. (oh my _g od_ I am s o excited m an I rea lly? Want to get th ose t wo out of h ere hECk ye aH)

Gripping the bottom of the dress, I quickly tossed it to the side before feeling up the floor.

Now before you assume I'm a fucking sick freak for feeling up floorboards, they lift up to reveal a little stash of regular clothes that for some shitty, stuck-up reason I'm not allowed to wear- according to some maids I don't care about and the old hag, who I _also_ do not care about in the slightest.

Once my finger bumped against a slightly out of place board, I couldn't stop the smile from creeping up onto my face as I picked at the edges, trying to lift it up and succeeding after like, the fifteenth attempt. Since I bite my nails regularly (haven't used a nailclipper in about ten years tbh) they ain't very long.

Okay, so I got the board up, also the other set of boards I put down underneath were easy to get up since they were only there to make the floor not that creaky, and after jumping down into the small room below, I ran to the corner to retrieve some clothes from the suitcases, humming as I picked out one- two- three- four bikinis, and two swimsuits, since I know Teo prefers swimsuits and I kind of like my one that I bought on holiday.

I quickly got changed before using the stepladder, jumping, hoisting myself back up, attempting to swing my legs up and sooner or later standing back up in the wardrobe room again. Calling them in, I dropped the swimwear and took myself out, closing the door before sitting down on the floor to speak to the kittens.

"Okay," I began, shuffling a bit, "we've gotta go to a room to all have a bath now, since Scarlet-" couldn't help myself from saying her name in a mocking voice, "-wants you guys all clean, or some shit like that. You guys seem pretty rad lookin' already so? I dunno what she's on about." I rolled my eyes before feeling a weight on my legs. When I looked down, I saw the red Ragdoll sitting there, blinking it's brown eyes up at me. A smile crept onto my face, and my hand reached out to stroke behind its ears.

Ho goshshhshshhshsh.

Anyway, I stayed sitting there happy in my own little kitty haven until Nancy popped her head out the door, wearing the same bitchy scowl Scarlet put on earlier.

What now?

I was about to be told what fucking now when I heard a yell from Scarlet, "forget it!" she'd said. Probably her and Nancy wanted a different bikini. I saw Nancy roll her eyes before going back into the wardrobe room.

Another few minutes of solitude with kittens, and then it was disturbed by all of them coming out, Alexa spoke up after she shut the door.

"I closed the boards up." Alexa nonchalanty stated, shrugging her shoulders when I flashed her a smile.

Standing up, wobbling a bit too, I cleared my throat of the icky gunk before speaking to make sure I don't start coughing up again, "Alright, uh, let's go then." I gestured with my head to the door, twirling on my heel and gripping the door handle.

"We ready?" I questioned, looking over each of their faces.

"Yeah." They answered, somehow all in time with eachother which I thought was a bit weird, but whatever.

"Okay, one… two… three!" I flung open the door, running as fast as I could down the hallway, looking behind to see all of the CS and the kitties following. A grin split my face, and my feet came to a skidding stop as there was a turn I needed to make.

Just a bit more down the hallway, past the next turning, I heard voices. Thankfully however, the bathroom was a little up ahead so we'd probably get there before they made their way down this hall.

My feet skidded to a stop against the carpet when I spotted the mahogany door with a cute sign hanging on it. My hands rattled the doorknob quickly, opening it and waiting for those behind me to catch up and run in. I heard a slip and a crash inside, but I had to wait until the Shorthair dashed in to check what was happening.

I was faced with fallen bottles of shower gel, shampoo, and conditioner and a cussing Delia.

I'd rolled my eyes before turning round to lock the door, sighing.

"I'll run the bath!" Teo offered before jogging off to the main pipe, turning the large metal wheel to allow the water to flood in.

It was such a big fucking bath, honestly. This entire house was made to Nan's liking and took an entire year to plan out, build, and decorate. The bath that also acted as a recreational swimming pool was non-surprisingly her idea. Speaking of house design, after the house was built and we moved in from halfway down the fucking country, I got to keep the floorplans for the estate! Seeing as I was only eleven at the time and this is such a massive bloody house, I needed 'em.

Anyway, enough about the past, now in the current present, I was slowly inching my way into the hot bath, along with everybody else. I ushered the kittens in, slowly twisting round onto my front, leaning over the side of the bath and picking up the Chatroo? Was it? I'm not good with remembering stuff.

Anyway, I gently gripped the kitten, smiling as I gently dunked its hind paws into the wa-

A fucki _Ng_ h uge puff of _s mO_ke w ha t.

When I opened my eyes, a bit more cool from the kinda cold smoke that fucking _erupted_ onto my non-submerged skin, I had my hands touching none other than the waist of Itachi fucking Uchiha.

Ita ch I f Ukci Ng UcchI H a.

W hhHHhh? ? ? ?

I closed my eyes, shaking my head a bit quickly before opening them.

And I was not mistaken. In my fucking hands was Itachi fucking _Uchiha_ of the goddamn _Akatsuki_ from the purely _fictional_ series of _Naruto_.

I took my hands away slowly, closing my eyes after I brought up a hand to facepalm with. "I'm gonna need a fucking moment." I said outloud, whilst raising one finger with the other hand. To be honest, I really couldn't be bothered to even start to think about the reactions of the other people in the bath, because at the moment, this occurrence is just a _teeeeeeeny_ bit too bizarre to take in at the moment. Okay. Okay. So.

Kittens plus water creates, or rather transforms? Yeah, kittens plus water transforms the kittens into Akatsuki. Okay. I've got that down. I'll try to get myself to _believe_ what I'm seeing later, but for now, I can totally fool myself into thinking like this for now.

My hand waved for the other kittens to jump in the bath, and they did, revealing Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Sasori, and of course, Deidara.

Starting to think my life has just turned into one of those generic, mary-sue, akatsukitten fics.

Alright.

My chest heaved a ginormous sigh, and I need a fucking paracetamol or something, my head's pounding now.

Just to make the situation even more fucking hectic, Nancy started screaming.

_W a i t._

Nancy started fucking screaming in my house. Meaning the maids will get scared, come check up on me specifically, go find Nan once they see- I looked down at my lap which Itachi was straddling, and yeha –_naked_ fucking _men_ and more girls than necessary in the bathroom. Then she'll come and scream a- _oh._

Oh my _go d._

Okay, shitty enough situation yet the door has just flung open, and the old hag was strutting herself right fucking in here. I shook my head in pure, utter, non-filtered disbelief at this _whole fucking incident, like I li ter ally ca n n ot even b eli eve-_

You know what? Pretty sure she'd love to join us, really.

Alright. Sarcasm aside- my heart had stopped in my chest. Nan was fucking standing there, taking in a deep breath with her eyes closed about to yell to the high heavens about that hoodie she was holding, so when she'd started her complaint and opened her eyes, she was cut short before she even got to the point.

I think a universal event at that time was the sudden outburst of "_Holy fucking shit_".

●**-x-**The Prologue-**x-●**

●**-x-**Why Are The Akatsuki Kittens?!-**x-●**

**Man this took way longer than necessary to write fucki ****_ng_**** god damnit 15 pages and over 7,400 wordsssssssssssss**

**Well tbh I hope you enjoyed the fruitless efforts of my four fucking year long fanfiction project so**

**Stay tuned for the next chapter! Thank you for reading! -snowi**


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